So My Friend is Writing This Book...

...And it's all about the idea that women are the ones who actually have no idea about men rather than men being clueless. There's actual research involved so don't start throwing a women's lib fit just yet. There's going to be an actual survey that women will fill out stating the 3 things you've learned from your previous boyfriends, and the 1 thing you wish you knew. But it's not an open invitation for a bad-boyfriend-bashing session. The survey is meant to be taken seriously with a pretty intense amount of thought. I'm the first victim of the survey and have been thinking about the questions for about five days now and here's what I've come up with...

Three Things I've Learned from the Guys I've dated.

1- You really cannot change a man.
Doesn't matter how idealistic you are, what approach you take, how nicely you beg. You can't change them. They grow and change on their own and the only hope you have is setting a good example or kicking them to the curb until they realize what was the problem and either fix it or find a girl who's willing to put up with it. Saying "it's okay, baby" and then praying for a change or different behavior doesn't help, it just trains them that what they did actually was okay. Training, by the way, isn't change. It's just a classical conditioning procedure that can and will be undone by instinct and subversive interpersonal cues. There's no communication theory that helps, there's not test that helps, and there's no amount of crying that helps. They just don't change on your terms and you have to understand, accept and be patient about it.
2 - Destructive Is as Destructive Does.
Destructive men don't hide it easily. Watch how they respond to heavy traffic, making a mistake or basic stress. If any of it involves hitting, throwing, kicking, yelling or breaking something you're in trouble. As a general rule if they throw things when they're mad about trivial things, they'll throw stuff when they're made about not so trivial things. Angry destructive men don't turn soft for a certain woman, they just tone it down and try to control it. However, the destructiveness usually manifests itself in other ways. Be it turning to verbal destructiveness, negative emotional issues, or just general irritability they're still as frustrated as always. And it always escalates, the first time you let him get away with a bruise turns into a bigger bruise next time. The first time there's a bruise, or a shoe flying by your head, or a broken windshield get out. There is no such thing as "He won't ever do it again."
3- The good ones don't care what you look like naked.
The two men I've been around in my life that I honestly felt good around a) didn't care when he got to me in bed he was perfectly happy waiting and being wonderful with me, and b) seemed to actually value my time, and my interests. It's like they make you feel better and more comfortable about yourself and your body image because they're happy hanging out with you in jeans and a big hoodie. It's incredible how amazing it is to be taken care of simply because someone cares, and not because they've got dirty lingerie for you to wear later. There is no planned surprise in the world that could be better than the shock you get from realizing that somebody listened to what you were saying in some random conversation, picked up on a detail or two, and actually learned something about you. There are things to do, places to go, people to see, and pictures to take that require not having to wash the sheets later. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure those two guys are happy I'm not 300 pounds, but there were other things about me that they thought were more important. The funny thing about it is that by actually caring it makes them even sexier every time they do it.

The One Thing I Wish I Knew.

1- Why do the bad ones always leave a much longer, deeper impression than the good ones?
No matter how recently a woman's been treated well by a wonderful man she still maintains the insecurities she learned (taught herself) from a bad boyfriend. This could happen for years, there are hundreds of communication case studies that show women inadvertantly hurting great relationships because of behaviors they've developed from insecurities they have. Some women hold themselves back from any kind of interpersonal relationship because their terrified that the next guy could be just as bad or worse than a previous one. And no matter how nicely we play, there's always that doubt and restraint that holds us back from really involving ourselves in what could be a great relationship. All the theories say its just a conditioning issue that can be fixed over time with "positive saturation". The Social Penetration Theory believes that when applied to negative relationships there's a lot of depth to the involvement but not a lot of breadth, which in turn limits breadth and depth in later relationships. However, the social penetration theory has never been thoroughly explored in negative relatshionships. Call it being overcautious or too logical or just scared either way I don't understand why the bad ones make such a big impression.



I now feel mentally/emotionally exhausted. It's amazing how much a little bit of thinking can bring up. Frustration ensues. But not for long... I'm in too much of a good mood to let a bad ex or six get me down.

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In Other News, I had a fantastic week with a wonderful friend and feel completely reassured again. I love knowing that I'm not crazy and somebody else at least understands what I'm trying to get at. Graduation is exactly 30 days away (it's 2pm right now and the ceremony is at 2pm May 10th). I am terrified. I don't have a job yet, I don't know where I'm moving too, I just know I want to get out of here... and make money doing it. I also have about a million things on my daily to-do list, and apparently only 30 days to accomplish any of it. Add that to the heart-strings issues I'm wrestling with and this could prove to be a pretty crazy month. Finally, I started teaching Yoga at ODU for the Recreational Sports Department and I love it. Class is at 7pm Mondays & Thursdays, Noon on Fridays. See you there :)

Dry Spell

Welcome back. I spent the entire month of April being complacent with my situation, my relationships, and my direction in life. However, a very good friend of mine has not only reminded me of my purpose but also of my passion.

Staci Wantuck, you darling, are brilliant.

Staci has reminded me that it doesn't matter how many people are affected by what you're doing as long as you love it. You are the reason I will continue to write. I stopped writing because I suffered a set back from one of my nay-sayers. My sense of purpose has been re-instilled because Staci has reminded me that I once said that people all have a passion and to follow them. For a few weeks I was certainly not practicing what I preach. Her simple tribute to my blog (on her MySpace blog) has brought me back to where I need to be.

And honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time.

I'm 35 days from graduation, applying for jobs in different places, burnt out at work, broke, and taking the GRE (grad school test thing) in about nine hours, and have a friend who I'm passionate coming to visit. So here goes. My purpose is to utilize the brain God gave me and my passion is to enjoy every bit of everything I do.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."

Amen.

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

Hillary Clinton released an ad in Texas that focuses on handling a crisis. Her ad says something to the effect of "who do you want answering the phone" when a crisis comes. And then she says..... “We need a president who is tested and ready to lead in a dangerous world and who can draw on years of real-world experience,” Clinton said at the Waco rally. “There’s a big difference between giving a speech on national security and giving orders as commander in chief.”

Ok.

Great.

Brilliant deduction.

Moron.

WHAT CRISIS EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE?! New York has been crisis free since the 9/11 days, and when her Hubby was in office there wasn't a single major U.S. crisis to think about, and even the international ones were minuscule compared to what's happened in the past eight years. Sure, ok, she's been a Senator and helped deal with the war. Big whoop. She's never had to make an executive decision in her life, she's never been anything more than a 1 in 100 yes or no vote, she's never had to make an on-the-spot, shit-may-hit-the-fan-when-i-do-this-wrong call.

Eleven people have gone into the White House without 'defense crisis experience' Excepting all those wonderful President's who served in various branches of the military, there are a couple of people who didn't any defense experience at all. Thank you all 32 Presidents who did . And for the record, Bill Clinton wasn't one of them so Hillary can't even claim Military Wife experience in dealing with defense emergencies.

So, Hillary Clinton, my Sir-Points-Out-the-Obvious-A-Lot Award of the Day goes to you. Because you're right. There's a huge difference between giving a speech on National defense and giving orders as commander in chief" and hot damn, i hope the buck doesn't stop with you. If you're in Texas and are a democrat.... which shouldn't happen in the first place, just kidding! anyway.... will you please vote for Obama in the primary? Ugh.

In Other News...

This one's all personal... I'm so sublimely happy that I have to share :)

Thursday night Bri picked me up from the airport and we went to Sherlocke's and had a few (too many) beers. The band was awesome, we did some kick butt dancing. Friday morning we woke up late and feeling like death but still made it to my interview and work (for Bri). For the record, I got the job but don't know if I'm taking it. It's a long story.

I went to Billy Bob's last night with Bri and Dean. It was mind-blowing. Reckless Kelly played and we drank awesome Shiner beer and I danced with some ridiculously good-looking cowboys and got my boobs signed by the band... pictures come later. I was absolutely in heaven... although, particularly missing a certain somebody.

Bri and I are now working on showering and getting out of the house. We're headed to the Art District to look around and go see cool stuff. Then tonight it's off to Greenville for some bar hopping and more ridiculousness.

I love the way this place feels. Even when we were sitting in traffic on 35S it doesn't feel as constrictive or looming as Norfolk. Walking in between huge skyscrapers doesn't give you the feeling of being small because its all so wide open and amazing.

Alright, time to go out :) I miss you all!

Harold & Kumar Suck.

Ok, so you've heard me rant about that new Harold & Kumar movie. [reference: I'm speechless Dec 2007?] Well, the New York Times has picked up the story. Their story focuses on the idea that Guantanamo has made its place in pop-culture an irrevocably negative one. But Gitmo hasn't made its place at all... the media has made Gitmo's place. If Gitmo had any say in the matter everyone would understand the truth and I wouldn't have much subject matter for this here blog-thing.

Admiral Buzby is quoted in the article saying something to the effect that the media has "turned up the gain" to distort the truth coming out of Gtmo. Which is exactly what happens. They take the menial details that could be construed as negative (i.e. fences, uniforms, dirt in the recreation area) and turn it into a huge issue. Yeah, there's wire fences, after all we are detaining these people for the safety of the public. Yes, Gitmo has banana rats and lots of iguanas. Yes, some of the detainees are kept in cells. But they're not running around in orange inmate wear. And the banana rats are actually kind of cute.... and vegetarians; who also make a squeaky sound when you accidentally run them over in your suburban at night because they're crossing the road in hordes. Anyway, the point is... The New York Times spends 3/4 of the article focusing your attention on the bad press that Gitmo is getting. I would pay good money to see the New York Times print the news releases that actually come out of Gitmo and all the things that Admiral Buzby says about Gitmo. A sound bite would be even better! Mainly because the Admiral has a voice like God, and who doesn't believe a man who sounds like that?

Anyway, if the New York times wants to run around stating the obvious.... Gitmo gets bad press. And perpetuate that cycle its their right to do it. Also, if they want to quote people who feel sympathy for the detainees that's there right too. I will simply exercise my right to laugh at them. A lot. And to laugh at those people who are being sucked into the negative propaganda trap that the detainees create through their lies. Those detainees, and their cohorts, would not hesitate to murder every bleeding-heart-sympathy-having-lie-believing-pity-feeling-person out there.

Finally, Gitmo is not a prison. It is a detention center. I've been over this before [reference: legally & transparently, Jan 2008]. If it were a prison they would all be convicted men... on their way to the chair (ok, that last part is wishful thinking). It's a detention center that complies to every clause in the Geneva Convention to the letter. It is transparent, it is humane, and in a couple of years somebody will thank the men and women who are keeping it open and operating properly.

p.s. The article mentions that the people who are stationed at Gitmo drink to much. As a former bartender in Gitmo all I can say about that is .... Uh.... Duh. It's a bunch of twenty-something year olds who behave the same as anybody else their age . Just about every where you go 20-somethings drink too much. That goes for any civilian community or any military installation.

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In Other News, I got to talk to a good friend of mine last night and that was awesome. I love feeling reaffirmed in the fact that I'm not crazy and the world isn't completely without hope. Dr. Lefever also helped reaffirm my hope in the human race this morning. God Bless her, she's brilliant. Dallas in two days. I am more excited than I could possibly explain. Also, I've got a few job interviews coming up in other places out of town, stay tuned for details. :)

Still Poignant

I've decided that one of our objectives while living is to find something that really gets you going. Something you get more than just excited about, something you feel more than lukewarm about, something that pulls your heartstrings. Maybe some noun or concept that makes your eyes light up.

Either way, whatever it is, its yours and you stand by it. Something you're devoted to because you whole-heartedly believe in it. It could be your cat, your mom, your toe ring, your president, your senator, or the idea of clean air. It could be that feeling when you walk out of your front door in the morning. I don't care what it is... you just need something to be passionate about.

This all goes along with the concept that the worst kind of human is a man without a purpose. That's not 'icky' wisdom. I don't mean for it to presuppose anything. I read it as the kind of wisdom that causes you to actually make something of your beliefs and yourself. The kind of wisdom that requires you to develop a real sense of living and feeling. To be without a purpose and a passion is to be a lackluster person. "You only live once" so why do people allow themselves to roam aimlessly through life without something to keep you going... without a purpose.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, or randomly float upon the idea it needs to get you going. That is what your passion is. Something you could talk excitedly about until you lost your voice or something you could listen about until your ears fell off.

Whatever it is you ought to feel accomplished if you've found it... if not then go find it. after all, it's yours.

p.s. this blog is from an old one... yeah I know, I'm cheating. On the upside, i did revise and add to it. Yes, new and improved. Go me.

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In Other News, I took the exit exam this morning and wrote a rousing essay on why I would give Time Magazine's Person of the Year award to the Guards at JTF GTMO. If I can get the writing center to give me a copy I'll post it up, unless of course I failed the exit exam. In that instance, I may give up on writing completely :) Dallas in FIVE days. God Bless Texas.

Let the Commissions Begin

A very good friend of mine loves me enough to send me a very special link. It's a pdf version of the official paperwork used to charge the men with their crimes. It details their names, the people charging them, and the reasons why they're being charged. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, eight men who are detained at JTF Guantanamo Bay have been officially charged with their crimes. Marking the beginning of the court proceedings of the commissions. I wish desperately that I could be in Gtmo for this but, alas, I'm stuck at school until May. Anyway, go click the very special link, read and enjoy. You can thank me later.

The charges are quite a big deal, but the media decided to give the story one average looking headline. There was nothing sensational about it, nothing eye catching, just "8 Men Charged with 9/11 Crimes" Then, in the story, there was minimal detail on the charges and LOTS of detail on the "torture" that one of the unlawful enemy combatants has gone through. Don't even get me started on that one.

As a follow up on my Berkeley City Council blog... they re-did the whole vote and are now reversing the order they made and "voicing support for the troops". I guess being a hypocritical bastard catches up with you and makes you realize that the people fighting for your right to pass "anti-discriminatory laws" ought to be allowed in the city too.

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In Other News, school is going very well. Work is going just as well. I do believe I have lost my cotton-picking-mind. And I leave for Dallas in 8 days. Hell Yes :)

Berkeley's City Council Sucks. A Lot.

This is retarded. Who in their right mind would actually vote to remove a Marines recruiting station from their city? What kind of hippy-freak-pinko-commie-bastard take action against the Marines and grants a protesting permit to some anti-war protest group? Who the hell do they think they are to tell their fellow American that they're not welcome?!

Anti-Discrimination Law in the City means that the military with a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy needs to be kicked out?! ANTI-DISCRIMINATION ISN'T JUST FOR GAY PEOPLE. Anti- discrimination is supposed to help all people feel like we're all humans. Not just make the ones who dress in drag feel better. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (to any normal human being) simply translates into "Please Don't Wear Glitter Into Work or Hit On Your Superiors" Is that really so hard?!

The Marines are the men and women who defend Berkeley, California's right to say all that bullshit... so how do they thank them?! By making them un-welcomed second class citizens. Extremism and condescension won't fix a damn thing in your ridiculous liberal city. I hope the Marines do NOT abandon their post at the recruiting station and that a number of protesters end up really angry because they see their young men and women walking into that office to volunteer their lives and time to a cause much greater than any petty liberal agenda.

That City Council is the most ridiculous group of tunnel-visioned-extremist liberals in the world right now. The bigger picture is that your stupid city needs to be well-rounded and accepting of all people... not just the bleeding-heart-gay-social programs loving-"anti-discriminatory" liberals.

God Bless that one man who voted against the other eight.

Berkeley, California's City Council can go SCREW Themselves.

UPDATE: Here's the response of S.C.'s Senator to the debacle... and the ramifications for the City Council making the Marines into "uninvited and unwelcomed visitors." Check it.

The Reasons I Want to Marry Hank Rearden

In an effort to keep my reasons from droning on and on (because I'm obsessive over a fictional character) I have compiled another one of my ever so (almost) famous lists.

1 - Hank Rearden is the epitome of Republican Capitalist strength. He builds his entire life on the concept that he works for his own good and no man deserves anything that he hasn't earned.

2- He carries the philosophy that the most despicable kind of human being is a human without a purpose. I don't mean a purpose you serve to other people (i.e. Some people exist to make me feel better about myself because they suck). I mean the kind of purpose that gives someone the drive, dedication, passion and responsibility to take control of their own life and make something of themselves.

3- The personal relationship he maintains in the book is because it makes him happy. In turn, his girlfriend is made happy because she knows that everything he does for her is to make himself happy. It sounds ridiculously selfish but what could be more wonderful than being the something in someone's life that they want and need in order to make them happy. Being the pivotal point of happiness for your significant other should be the greatest accomplishment. They should return the favor by being the something that you desire to make yourself happy.

4- The way Ayn Rand makes Hank Rearden speak, the strength in his principles, and the unapologetic nature with which he regards his success and happiness is ridiculously attractive.

I'm perfectly alright with him being a heartless, success-driving, profit motive loving, businessman. Because when you read between the lines of all of those qualities what you get is a man who is responsible for himself and his actions and expects other people to be. He's also a man with a passion which I consider one of the most respectable but rarely encountered qualities in a person.

I'll confess, if I were a lesbian, I would totally want to marry Dagny Taggart... she's basically Hank Rearden in a skirt. For the time being, wanting to be her will have to suffice :)

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In Other News, I leave for Dallas in 21 days. How sweet is that? Work, at Tanner's Creek, is going really well. And I think next week I'm going to go and volunteer with the EquiKids program. It's been far too long since I've seen a horse. I miss Jazz : ( I'm working on that too, unfortunately my schedule and Jazz's owner's schedule don't coincide well. Finally, it's been forever since I've talked to my sister. I miss her.

I'm Not a Republican

I've been reading quite a bit on existentialism lately, and then Dr. Lefever (one of my favorite people ever) talked about it today in class. This has brought me to a new conclusion. I'm not a Republican, not really a conservative, I'm an Existentialist.

And actually, I'm an Existentialist of the worst sort. I'd say that I belong to the camp of Nietzsche-style existentialism. Although he never actually used the word "existential" his concepts pre-dated the word by a good hundred years and contributed to the theory. Yeah, I know, he was into communism but if you read his work his hatred of democracy and capitalism were nothing more than an adventitious side-note. He also really didn't like Christianity but I dig his concepts on questioning everything possible and accepting something as truth only if it was a personally developed belief or choice.[Another thing I dig... his style of writing is pithy, to the point and lacks the usual run around euphemisms.]

Before you start thinking I've gone crazy, allow me to elaborate. Dostoevsky (one of the few Christian Existentialists) defined existentialism as "A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one’s acts."

I definitely think that people are basically stuck in an "indifferent" world, all of us experiencing a lot of the same problems but not caring what our fellow humans are up to. I'm not sure about the whole human existence being unexplainable thing but I completely agree that freedom of choice and responsibility should be the focal point of any school of thought.

I've been saying for years that people should take full responsibility for their actions and their misfortunes. People should also take responsibility for the good things that happen to them, because they exercised their free will, made a good choice and are reaping the benefits. Existentialism stresses responsibility which means you have to accept your actions, not blame somebody else. When you can't blame somebody else that means you can't turn yourself into a victim or yours, or anybody else's, action.

The most basic of my political beliefs are founded in the idea that people should take responsibility and action for the things they believe to be right, and then stand by those beliefs. Which is why you'll never see me apologize for something I believe in or have chosen to do. Give me any political issue and I bet my belief is founded in taking charge of yourself and your actions.

Economics? Take care of yourself and ensure your future. Pay your taxes, taking care of your country = taking care of you.
Abortion? You made the choice, so now its your responsibility to take care of a baby.
Gun Control? Screw that. Just be mature enough to know how to handle a weapon and when you screw up... well, its your responsibility to man up.
War in Iraq? Not necessarily a good idea in the first place, but now we've got a responsibility to clean up what we started.
Welfare? Are you kidding? Take care of yourself and your family.

The concept of personal responsibility is why I'm an Existentialist. Screw being a Republican, it all sounds well and good but there's too much bullshit 'this will get me elected' jargon. Democrats are the same way.

My friend who hates Hillary, Mom & Apple Pie said that my comment on uniting the country and taking responsibility for what's been done or will happen sounded like election talk ("What's going to unite the country is understanding that some poor decisions have been made and moving past those decisions and making proactive movements towards the goal we've made for ourselves. You can't scrap the entire country because you don't like what someone else did with it") And dammit, it is. Vote for Emily and Existentialism in.... uh, 2024.

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In Other News, I've got a trip to Dallas planned for February 21st - 25th. I've got a few job interviews to do, but when I'm not at those I'd love to catch up with those of you down there. I absolutely cannot wait to go. Also, I dropped the hippy-freak-liberal-pinko-commie Diplomatic Communication class. I should have stuck it out and argued with the professor in order to get the truth about Guantanamo Bay out there... but I made the decision to not have to struggle through my semester because of some jerk-face's ideological bias. Ugh. I also did some fantastic yoga today. Gotta love it.

A Clinton By Any Other Name Would Suck Just as Badly

Why on earth do people think that Hillary Clinton is going to be any better of a President than her husband?

It is my speculation that during Bill's presidency, Hillary was running everything except for maybe his social life. And for all you Liberals sitting there thinking "Well, Bill's presidency was pretty great, why not do it again?"

Why not?! Are you serious? The man couldn't do anything worthwhile to save his life. The surplus we had in the budget was because of the Reagan-omics that had been established years before. There was international peace because all Bill could do was walk around smoking cigars, kissing up, and being diplomatic. And the whole country got to sit back on their laurels and listen to Bill play his saxophone while giving negative credit to the Republicans who set him up for success.

Also, another reason why Hillary would suck just as much.... she's polarizing. There's no middle ground with this woman. She's trying to desperately to be as anti-Bush as possible that I honestly think she'd flip our whole government upside down in an effort to spite him... and she'd call it "taking a different path." You cannot unite a country through polarization. What's going to unite the country is understanding that some poor decisions have been made and moving past those decisions and making proactive movements towards the goal we've made for ourselves. You can't scrap the entire country because you don't like what someone else did with it.

Finally, Hillary would be a much worse President than Bill because she's a woman. The international community that we're dealing with currently doesn't have enough respect for women to take Hillary seriously. Remember what happened to Bhutto? That's most certainly going to at the least be attempted by some Middle Eastern Fundamentalist group. Also, she cried during one of the debates. Be a real woman, suck it up, and debate it like you have a spine. Crying in public is for wimps and babies.

Until I have further evidence that's really all the reasoning I have for why Hillary Clinton sucks. Review and tell me what you think.

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In Other News, a very good friend of mine is moving from California to Virginia for work and I am so excited! Also, I got a job today.... yay! I'll be bartending at Tanner's Creek just down the street from my house. I start Sunday, come in and see me!

2008's Resolutions

I figured, it being the 9th of January that I should develop a few New Year's Resolutions. Maybe the ones this year will go better than last years. As a refresher... here's last years list.

1 - Be less selfish.

Someone told me once i'm a self-centered little princess and now, i'm determined to be the opposite.

2 - Be more conscientous of what is going on.

I have a habit of not paying attention sometimes and then I screw things up, or not understanding.

3 - Make it to El Paso at least once this year.

Gracious, i hate being homesick.

4 - Find more time for my hobbies.

I've got lots of great ones... I just never pick them up.

The reason that there are four of them is because if I only have one then I've got more of a chance of breaking it. However, with four I've got a higher chance of actually succeeding in one way or another.

And here's this years....

1 - Be less selfish.

Someone told me once i'm a self-centered little princess and now, i'm determined to be the opposite.

2 - Make time for the things and people you love.

I make way too much time for things and people I really couldn't care less about.

3 - Make up for the road trips you missed last year.

Life's short...spend your savings on a trip, otherwise you might never get to use it.

4 - Be happier alone.

I'm going to be moving away from my college friends in about six months, I need to start learning to be happy by myself. Right now... I'm not so good at that... at all.

And that, folks, is the list. Happy (belated) New Year. I hope your Resolutions work out wonderfully. Also, if you missed the last blog "Legally & Transparently" go read it. Not because it's an amazing piece of writing, but because it's something I believe passionately in and think everyone ought to know about.

Legally & Transparently

On January 2nd this year, I did one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life. I got to take a tour behind the wire of the Joint Task Force Guantanamo Bay (JTF). What that means is that at about 1030am, January 2nd I was standing not more than ten feet from a group of "unlawful enemy combatants" (a.k.a. the men who would have killed me and the entire tour group and guards if the fence and some M16's weren't in the way) who were praying in their recreation area. It was absolutely the most moving, reaffirming, empowering event that I've ever experienced.

We started the day with a briefing in one of the administrative buildings that is behind the Roosevelt Gate, which separates Naval Station Gitmo from JTF Gitmo. The briefing was the same brief they give to the men and women who come to work at the JTF, just minus the classified information. The Chief of Staff and every other major player in the running of the camps was there to inform our group of what exactly their section does and how they do it. We reviewed the meals, medical, and recreation of the detainees extensively. We also got to eat the same lunch that the detainees were eating that day. And, if I may say so, it was actually great food. Meatloaf, veggies, wheat bread, cake, an orange, apple juice, salad, and water. All of this is just one part of the 5000 calorie a day- religious and health conscious- diet the detainees get.

Speaking of health conscious, the detainees get the greatest health care on the planet. There is a fully staffed hospital with all the latest in modern technologies inside. A detainee died recently from colon cancer.... but it wasn't because it couldn't be treated, it was because he refused treatment in hopes that his death could make the JTF look bad. Everything from advil to muscle relaxers to x-rays to full surgical procedures can and has been performed on detainees who have needed medical help. There is no expense that is spared and no second wasted when one of the detainees has an ailment. On the other hand, the United States Residents of Guantanamo Bay often have to wait days to get on a plane to go see a specialist in Jacksonville if anything goes wrong. In particularly dire situations sick Americans can be Med-Evac'd over Cuba to a hospital but that's a last resort. I find great irony in the fact that the citizens the detainees want to kill have a lot more trouble keeping themselves healthy than the detainees do. But if we didn't their lawyers would hear all about it and we'd be the bad guys.... fortunately that's not the case.

During the briefing they explained that the JTF GTMO is not a prison, it is a detention center where things are operated "legally and transparently". Basically, a place where people who are a danger to the missions can be held until the fight is over.... just like the Geneva Convention says. They also explained that people (cough, cough liberals) often make the mistake of saying they want to close Guantanamo Bay. Closing Guantanamo Bay means they want to shut down the world's oldest overseas military base, and the only U.S. Military installation on the soil of a country with which we have no diplomatic relations. Basically, if you want it closed, at least know what you're talking about... they want the JTF closed, not Guantanamo Bay.

We reviewed some of the bad press that the JTF gets, the Chief of Staff informed us that anyone who has asked for a tour and briefing about the facilities has gotten it. Also, many of the groups who bad mouth the JTF have been sent numerous invitations and turned them down (hint: it rhymes with Amnesty International).

One particularly interesting fact they gave us is that the United States has never, ever released detained enemy combatants during a time of war.... never. Until JTF Gitmo was opened, now the US has released more detainees than it keeps. Although a few have gone back to the fight, an overwhelming amount return to their lives.

The final thing that was stressed in the briefing was that no matter how many concessions we have to make for these men, no matter how normal their everyday lives seem, no matter how much they try to convince us they're normal... they are dangerous men who want(ed) to kill Americans.

The briefing took about an hour then we started the tour. We began in Camp 4 which is the most "compliant" of the camps. Meaning that in Camp 4 the detainees are given the most freedom possible without sacrificing the safety of the guards or the mission. Camp 5 is a maximum security camp, as is Camp 6. Although Camp 6 was originally built as a "medium security facility" the Government learned very quickly that there is no such thing as a medium security terrorist. The detainees are constantly trying to find ways to harm and humiliate the guards, they're constantly trying to find ways to harm themselves so that it gets into the media, and they're constantly working together.

Because of the no isolation, no incommunicado, no solitary confinement policy the detainees are allowed to talk to each other all of the time. In fact, I even got to hear some of them talking to each other. Their ability and right to communicate with each other allows for the detainees to maintain their plotting and planning at JTF Gitmo. The same organization that is hidden in the mountains of the middle east, makes it's way 5000 miles across the globe to manifest itself in the place where the entire mission is to stop that group. Thus comprimising the safety of the guards.

It's mind-blowing to me to think that there are men and women down in the JTF who walk the same fifty feet of hallway for ten hours a day, being taunted, yelled at, unable to retaliate, bored out of their minds and sacrificing their safety for the rest of us and who in the US really cares? Not a whole lot of people. We go about our nice lives never stopping once during the day to pray for a single soldier, or think about finding someway to contribute to the effort.

Anyway, in Camp 5 the tour group walked into one of the pods (one of those 50 ft long hallways with the cells in it) to look at one of the living spaces. At the end of the hallway one of the detainees starts yelling, "It is so cold! I am so freezing! ...... what group is it?" He's whining and complaining about having air conditioning and then wondering what group is listening to him. Once he finds out which group it was he'll be sorely disappointed. The point of whining that loudly is so that the media or whomever is coming through thinks he's got it so bad down there. Fortunately, his complaints fell on deaf ears, I was with a group of the wives and daughters of the men who work in the camps and we couldn't care less how cold he is.

Its hard to put into words the impression that the tour made on me. It's one of those things where "wow" isn't even an ambiguous enough word to encompass everything that goes through my mind about what happens inside that wire. "A war is being waged mentally and emotionally everyday" and that's just astounding. My passion and fervor for my personal crusade to support the JTF has been refueled and is even more important to me than ever. I feel like I have the information and the experience to shoot down anybody who is fabricating seditious lies about the operation. Freedom is actively being defended at the JTF, and it's comforting to know that the entire operation from the top down and vice versa is a well-thought out, constantly evolving operation. Despite the long work hours, and the discouragement that comes along with dealing with detainees day in and out I hope that one day the people who work there can look back and realize what a service they have done for their Country.

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There's no In Other News this time around.... simply because my blog was just that important.... go read it again. :)

"Alternative Metal" & Yoga.

Rage Against the Machine is, conclusively, one of the top five* musical groups to listen to while doing yoga.

Because of the musical influence of a certain person I've been hanging out with, I've been re-examining the merits of the group. And despite the pinko-liberal political influence of the band, it's awesome stuff. Sure, I'm pairing some pretty hard hitting "alternative metal" (p.s. that's why iTunes calls it) with some purposely relaxing pranas (p.p.s. that's what you call yoga poses)... but doesn't that disparity between the two make this even better?

This is going to sound crazy, and probably a bit ridiculous but I think that the two things being emotionally profound in different ways helps you to you find yourself centered somewhere in between the two.

I think the part that really gets me is the guy singing (somebody google that name for me... I'm lazy) honestly sounds like he feels what he's singing. Maybe I'm getting that impression because I want to but either way, he sounds passionate... and you know how I feel about passionate people. (errrr, faithful reader, you should know)

When you couple that kind of intensity with the fact that my yoga sessions themselves are intense on their own; it's pretty aggressively emotionally and physically absorbing. It doesn't help that I whole-heartedly believe that yoga is one of the greatest things a person can do for themselves, second only to buying an amazing pair of brand new blue jeans.

Anyway, this all makes me sound like some new-wave-alternative-healing-mumbo-jumboee. However, I simply can't ignore the fact that I had one of the greatest most intense, relaxing, re-centering, soothing, paramount yoga sessions I've had in quite some time while listening to Rage Against the Machine.

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* Top 5 Musical Groups to Listen to While Doing Yoga.
In NO particular order.

1- Sneaker Pimps
2- Rage Against the Machine
3- Gary Allan/Dierks Bentley
4- Laika
5- Dropkick Murphy's

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No, In Other News, today, kiddos. Nothing to really update. However, my two darlings, you'll be getting another call here soon :) Love you!

CNN = Liberal Political Agenda

So there's all this hub-bub (I'm pretty sure I just made that up) about those destroyed CIA tapes. First, who cares? People beat people senselessly all the time, and for much worse reasons than national security. Secondly, why do I get a play by play update on nothing! Yes, I understand there are going to be developments in the case but I don't need a new news headline every time some Senator decides to have an opinion about it.

Third, (this is the part that really bothers me) why on Earth is CNN showing pictures of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba in the background when they're reporting about these tapes. Yes, I know a lot of really dumb people equate Guantanamo Bay with torture. However, once it's been established that those tapes have no connection at all to this hemisphere why would those pictures stay up?

Want to know why? Media = Liberal Political Agenda. That's it in a nutshell. Repetition and reenforcement of ideas is the best way to get someone to remember something. So if CNN keeps showing pictures of Gitmo any time the word "torture" comes up, eventually they'll convince someone that Gitmo needs to be closed because of all the horrible things being done to people down here. Which means all the detainees get either a) shipped home or b) stateside. If you chose B you're probably correct. All their 'homelands' would kill them quickly after they're sent back, because well..... they've committed war crimes. Which means that all those Habeas Corpus lawyers would throw a fit until each one is given a trial. (which, by the way, we're in the process of working on... you should see the courthouse, it's sweet) ... however, I digress. Back to my original point.

CNN is in my opinion one of the most useless form of news acquisition around.

They're website doesn't do a bad job. Thankfully they have pictures of judges and senators attached to their articles on this subject. I guess my point would be, don't watch CNN... actually go and read it. But only if you really have to.

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In Other News, I stuffed stockings and made Christmas cards to the Troopers down here who have duty on Christmas. It felt good to have a way to tell them that I'm thankful for what they're sacrificing so that I can have a peaceful morning with my family... well, until Daddy has to go to work right along side the Troopers. The only problem was feeling like I should do things like this more often... not just around Christmas. I know I'm always writing on this thing about how much I appreciate the people who defend all our freedom's but that just doesn't seem like enough. Ideas?

I played a pretty cool game of paintball tonight. Ended up with a sweet bruise on my shoulder. Also, one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life just keeps getting more and more amazing. Dammit. I wish they would give me a reason to hate them.... that would make not seeing them every again after I leave so much simpler. Ugh, because that sounds soooo optimistic. : ( Enough about me. Even if you're not the praying type... go pray or think about or make a wish on a star for the people out there giving you the right and ability to sleep quietly and enjoy your families.

No Concessions for the Commissions

I've been down here in Cuba for about four days now. And I love it, as usual. On sunday night I was hanging out with a few of the Air Force Engineers who are building the Courthouse and complete facility (Camp Justice) where all of the commissions will be going on. Thus, I got a tour.

There's a huge trailer for the defense , a huge trailer for the prosecution , a huge trailer for the security detail and a gigantic Courthouse. Right now they're working on putting together the insides of the buildings. The defense, prosecution and media will all be staying in tents right outside the facility.

Here's my favorite part about it. As we're sitting on top of the hanger control tower my friend starts to tell me that the project started out as a $125 million dollar project that involved hotels, restaurants and shops. All kinds of comfy, cooshy things for the civilians coming down to appreciate. However, congress paired it down to a $12 million dollar project... cutting out all those niceties.

The reason this makes me and some of the soldiers down here pretty happy? Because now all those condescending media types, stuck up lawyers, and damned habeas corpus defenders have to sleep on little cots just like the soldiers and airmen who are down here building this place. They'll all have to live just like the guys who are defending our freedoms all over this world. They have to shower and have bathrooms in huge communal tents like all our men and women in uniform and they'll have to eat at the Galley just like all our men and women in uniform.

I want to see just how long they keep up the passion they have for their cause when they're not functioning out of they're wonderful plush offices. How long can they handle what our soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen have been using for years? And not just using... but making the best of. You know what the Air Force Engineers did with their situation? They improved it. How? They built themselves a bar. I'm talking a real keg-having, water-running, double refrigerator, indoor-outdoor bar with a dart board and pool table...... bar. With a christmas tree and a fire pit and hot damn am I proud of these guys.

Even though congress didn't do it on purpose and they're really just trying to save some money. I'm glad that there are little to no concessions for the people working the commissions. This whole mission is dirty, dirty work. Everything from the stress to the literal dirt (or other things if a detainee throws stuff at you) on your uniform is hard to handle.

God Bless these United States Military Men and Women. And God Bless Congress for (unintentionally) doing something right. :)

Stupid Headlines

Sorry, it's been so long. Yes, I know you missed me ranting. And I know you're all thankful I'm ending my four day hiatus... I'll just say it now, You're Welcome. :) P.S. Lots of neat links in the following blog... Enjoy!

I opened my iGoogle this morning to check the weather so I could go appropriately dressed to take over the world, and I noticed something odd. Among the usual headlines was something that stuck out. It didn't stick out because it was so astoundingly important, it didn't stick out because it was shocking, it stuck out because the first thing that crossed my mind was "Who the Hell Cares?!"

Model Claims Tony Parker Cheated on Eva Longoria With Her

What terrifies me is that someone is out there thinking... "Ooooooh! Ahhhhhh! Oh My Goodness, I wonder if Eva is alright?! "

WHY IS THIS NEWS?

Why on earth wasn't the Federal Raid of Al Sharpton's office a headline? Why isn't the story about the Global Warming Charts kind of being a mistake a headline?

WHY CAN'T I FIND ANYTHING WORTH READING IN MY HEADLINES?!

(yes, i'm typing in all caps because in my head I'm yelling)

There are just as many stories in the sidebar on FoxNews.com about celebrities as there are about anything actually relevant. I can find out that Katie Holmes told some magazine what turns Tom on. and that Paris Hilton is covered in gold paint for no damn good reason.

Where did the real news go? And why does no one care about it? Are we so apathetic about our own world that we'd rather read about other people's lives? Is there nothing about the politics of our world that is interesting? Don't people like knowing that Al Gore is wrong?! I will be keeping my iGoogle. However, in an effort to expand my exposure to real news I will be adding Yahoo! News, CNN News, and the News Busters Blog to my homepage.

Where exactly has all the real news gone? : (

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In Other News, a Doctor who has written two books, is in the process of writing another and went to UT (Longhorns, woot woot) loved one of my papers so much that he wants a copy. He said it was a "pleasure to read." Man, I'm good. Also, I leave for Cuba in less than 36 hours. This is exciting and sad at the same time, one of those bittersweet things that just makes you appreciate what you've already got and potentially will have. But never fear! I will be back! and I'll also keep writing while I'm in Cuba. I'm going to miss the greatest friends on earth desperately.

I Condone Decadence

this counts as my regular blog and my In Other News section... because it's an exceptionally important subject to me.

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

And God bless us for it.

On Thursday, I got to curl up and be comfy with a wonderful friend of mine, and indulge in some comfort.

On Friday I had the most amazing mind-blowing dinner and drinks with some of the best company in the world.

On Saturday we got dressed up and went out and had a good time. Spoiled ourselves by playing at someone's ever so extravagantly set-up house.

And had a damned good time doing it. I love having the freedom to enjoy myself, having options on a friday night, and having the greatest friends in the world to do it all with.

As a side note, I have officially curled up/gotten close to more Gay Men in the past year than Straight Men. Wow, I am on a role. :)

Mean Something.

Again, Dr. Lefever is my muse. [Reference: November Post... Dr. Lefever Cried in Class Today]

She gave quite a rousing speech for our last day of class this morning. Some particularly interesting points in her appeal included the fact that a large portion of her generation is comprised of "big whining babies", the astounding "hollowness" of a Me-Me-Me mentality, that "following your heart" can be one of the most dangerous and detrimental things a person can do and the fact that courage is one of the most impressive and useful traits a person can possess.

What really struck me, however, was an exercise she had the class do at the end...

1- Get out a piece of paper.
2- Tear it into three portions. (They don't have to be pretty)
3- On the first piece draw a picture of an ugly, gross bug.
4- On the second piece draw a picture of a food you hate.
5- On the third piece write the word for what you call your mother.

(yes, i think spiders are ugly and gross. yes, i absolutely detest bananas. and yes, i call my mother "Mommy". )

6- Put the first picture on the ground and stomp on it.
7- Harder.
8- Put the second picture on the ground and stomp on it.
9- Harder.
10- Put the third picture on the ground and stomp on it.

Wait, What? You can't stomp on your Mom? Why is that? Dr. Lefever's point was that

words mean something.

My point is that it's not just words. It's words and pictures and concepts mean something. You are accountable for everything that your mouth, hand and mind produce. I think that's why my blog, my journal, my myspace, my facebook, my emails and my school work really have significance for me.

I value what I create. I appreciate the meaning for what I'm producing. I have a passion for what I say, think and do. Everything that I type into this blog is something that I have thought about and whole-heartedly stand behind. Granted, some of it is simply the rantings of a slightly unstable hot headed twenty-one year old... however, that twenty-one year old still means it.

I put my meaning, my thoughts, my concepts and my passion into black and white (and sometimes colors, and italics, and large print... and you get the point). And it makes me feel like a real person. Like I have something to stand for. I've said it before and I'll say it again "Man, I love being a turtle." [just kidding... TMNT reference, anybody? ok, well i thought it was funny]

Actually, what I've said before is that I love feeling like my brain works... and having a passion, having words that mean something help me feel that way.

Thank you, Dr. Lefever for contributing not only to my education but to my agglomeration of advice and wisdom that's going to make me one of the smartest twenty-somethings out there.

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In Other News, I will be heading to Cuba in precisely ten days.... YAY! I love a Caribbean Christmas. Also, my room is an absolute wreck. They say, "Move Your Stuff... Change Your Life". Well, my stuff has moved and my life seems to be just as messy as the clothing on my floor. Note to self: Organized room = Organized life. I have a whole semester's worth of notebook due tomorrow at 8am for ceramics. Wish me luck. I will be inventing a semester's worth of notes on pottery tonight. Also, according to the calendar on my desk it has been two months, one week, and two days since I had a real planned date with a single man whom I met randomly (that one weird thing with that one weird guy doesn't count). I'm feeling a little bit like a loser, but I think I can handle it... yoga and a few beers cure any single girl's ailments.

I'm speechless

Which is why this post is only going to be about a sentence long.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

The synopsis says... Follow the cross-country adventures of the pot-smoking duo as they try to outrun authorities who suspect them of being terrorists when they try to sneak a bong on board their flight to Amsterdam. trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/trailer/me60791803/

You have absolutely got to be kidding me. Remind me to go kill whoever is producing this.

p.s. After another minute of research I found out that in the Trailer and other promotional things it's called "Harold & Kumar 2" ..... that is a whole lot easier for me to handle.