This is just a simple update... because honestly, I'm far too exhausted to actually think.
1 - I got fired from Tanner's Creek... I guess when I told her I couldn't really work weekends she didn't get that.
2- We had an awesome time at competition... even though the car caught fire.
3- My birthday is this coming saturday... and I'm already feeling old.
Love you guys....
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Greatest Honor Ever...
My greatest wonderful friend Staci has bestowed upon me the honor to end all honors....
Yup, I'm somebody's hero. I think it's official... my day has been made :)
Friday, April 18, 2008
Lazy.
"Take one minute of your time and sign this petition. Forward to everyone you know.
This is an issue we CAN control with very little effort!"
This is an issue we CAN control with very little effort!"
This was part of a Facebook group description that I got invited to join today. I decided to ignore the invitation... no matter how good the cause. Yes, that sounds stupid. Why would I let some silly wording get in the way of doing something good?
The group was trying to stop an artist in Venezuela whose exhibit includes starving a dog to death. Yes, that's sad. I really like dogs and think they should be treated well and I think it's a travesty that some people consider a dying dog "art". However, there are much worse things going on in the world right now but people aren't willing to stand up and do anything about it because those aren't things that we "CAN control with little effort!" There are also things that are just as trivial and located right in our neighborhood, but because of the effort it would take no one is willing to do a damn thing.
Sort through your clothes and go donate it to a shelter so somebody can dress themselves. Buy a couple extra cans of food at the grocery store and take it to a food bank. Pick up the trash on the street that you walk by on your way to/from class. See, I'm not completely heartless. Quit trying to fix the rest of the world when there is so much that is right at your front door that can be helped even if it takes that extra effort.
In Other News, I'm way fed up with trying to graduate... ugh. Also, this whole looking for a job thing really blows. I'm going to end up putting as much of my stuff as I can in the back of my truck and just going... then praying for the best when I get there. I finished my application/paperwork for grad school today. I also turned in my resume to a race team. Either one of those would make me the happiest girl alive. Pray that I get one? Thanks guys. Last but not least, I received confirmation yesterday that this guy I used to kind of date is completely and totally the biggest assbag in the world. Man, I sure know how to pick 'em.
Because it's just people being lazy to try and stop something trivial so they can feel good about themselves later.
The group was trying to stop an artist in Venezuela whose exhibit includes starving a dog to death. Yes, that's sad. I really like dogs and think they should be treated well and I think it's a travesty that some people consider a dying dog "art". However, there are much worse things going on in the world right now but people aren't willing to stand up and do anything about it because those aren't things that we "CAN control with little effort!" There are also things that are just as trivial and located right in our neighborhood, but because of the effort it would take no one is willing to do a damn thing.
Get off your lazy, comfy American ass and go do something more than sign a petition.
I hate to break it to you, but signing your name on something doesn't mean shit.
I hate to break it to you, but signing your name on something doesn't mean shit.
Sort through your clothes and go donate it to a shelter so somebody can dress themselves. Buy a couple extra cans of food at the grocery store and take it to a food bank. Pick up the trash on the street that you walk by on your way to/from class. See, I'm not completely heartless. Quit trying to fix the rest of the world when there is so much that is right at your front door that can be helped even if it takes that extra effort.
_________________________________________
In Other News, I'm way fed up with trying to graduate... ugh. Also, this whole looking for a job thing really blows. I'm going to end up putting as much of my stuff as I can in the back of my truck and just going... then praying for the best when I get there. I finished my application/paperwork for grad school today. I also turned in my resume to a race team. Either one of those would make me the happiest girl alive. Pray that I get one? Thanks guys. Last but not least, I received confirmation yesterday that this guy I used to kind of date is completely and totally the biggest assbag in the world. Man, I sure know how to pick 'em.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The Hardest Thing You Can Do
Ayn Rand is my hero. She writes brilliantly, has an ideology that's beyond reproach and wraps it all up in the most fantastic books in the world. There have been hundreds of quotes from her books that have caught my attention but yesterday one stuck out in particular .
There's always a weakness to confess, we're human it's inescapable but what if the weakness you're confessing is that of other people? What if its not your own weakness you're defining by taking the road less traveled? Is it possible to be throwing it back in everyone else's face that they are the weak ones for accepting mediocrity and not appreciating the opportunities they've been given? Lately I've been looking for post graduation jobs. I've gotten two. They both pay very well. I don't want either of them. I know I can get a job doing things that I'm "supposed" to do with my degree after college. So many communication majors are pigeon-holed into Sales jobs after school. I can't do it, I won't do it, I absolutely refuse. I'll work in a bar the rest of my life before I embarrass myself by becoming the "Sales Associate" that I've been told I ought to be. I don't care if I'm good at it, and I don't care if it's really easy money. I am not mediocre, I have not spent four years working myself crazy to graduate on time with a respectable GPA to hold a job that someone who has a GED also does.
My desire to choose the hardest path I can will lead to me being the happiest person in the world once I get it. Does that possibly admit my weakness of an insecurity about being weak? Possibly. Does it possibly admit their weakness of a lack of drive and accomplishment? Potentially.
"And it is said but for the spirit of a dozen men...none of this would have been possible."
People who seemingly admitted their weakness, a fear of possibly being weak, overcame it and built some of the greatest ideas, concepts, tangible edifices declaring their fear of being weak. I think it can be assumed that having a weakness and challenging it gives you a purpose in life. Lacking purpose is disappointing.
Either way you look at it, anytime we accept a challenge the entire reason it is the hardest thing to do is because we are provoking our weakness to try and beat us. And every time you do it you either win, and move on to another weakness or you lose and have to try again. But damn, does it feel good when you win.
In Other News, go read the Fountainhead, it's good for you :) Also, after weeks of detestable weather the sun is out and it's 80 degrees. Thank God! I read my book in the sun on the back porch and now have a sun burn that feels good. I love feeling like I don't suck at life :)
"But a desire to choose the hardest might be a confession of weakness in itself."
"Of course, Mr. Roark. But it's the lease offensive form of confession."
"If the weakness is there to be confessed at all."
There's always a weakness to confess, we're human it's inescapable but what if the weakness you're confessing is that of other people? What if its not your own weakness you're defining by taking the road less traveled? Is it possible to be throwing it back in everyone else's face that they are the weak ones for accepting mediocrity and not appreciating the opportunities they've been given? Lately I've been looking for post graduation jobs. I've gotten two. They both pay very well. I don't want either of them. I know I can get a job doing things that I'm "supposed" to do with my degree after college. So many communication majors are pigeon-holed into Sales jobs after school. I can't do it, I won't do it, I absolutely refuse. I'll work in a bar the rest of my life before I embarrass myself by becoming the "Sales Associate" that I've been told I ought to be. I don't care if I'm good at it, and I don't care if it's really easy money. I am not mediocre, I have not spent four years working myself crazy to graduate on time with a respectable GPA to hold a job that someone who has a GED also does.
My desire to choose the hardest path I can will lead to me being the happiest person in the world once I get it. Does that possibly admit my weakness of an insecurity about being weak? Possibly. Does it possibly admit their weakness of a lack of drive and accomplishment? Potentially.
"And it is said but for the spirit of a dozen men...none of this would have been possible."
People who seemingly admitted their weakness, a fear of possibly being weak, overcame it and built some of the greatest ideas, concepts, tangible edifices declaring their fear of being weak. I think it can be assumed that having a weakness and challenging it gives you a purpose in life. Lacking purpose is disappointing.
Either way you look at it, anytime we accept a challenge the entire reason it is the hardest thing to do is because we are provoking our weakness to try and beat us. And every time you do it you either win, and move on to another weakness or you lose and have to try again. But damn, does it feel good when you win.
_________________________________
In Other News, go read the Fountainhead, it's good for you :) Also, after weeks of detestable weather the sun is out and it's 80 degrees. Thank God! I read my book in the sun on the back porch and now have a sun burn that feels good. I love feeling like I don't suck at life :)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So My Friend is Writing This Book...
...And it's all about the idea that women are the ones who actually have no idea about men rather than men being clueless. There's actual research involved so don't start throwing a women's lib fit just yet. There's going to be an actual survey that women will fill out stating the 3 things you've learned from your previous boyfriends, and the 1 thing you wish you knew. But it's not an open invitation for a bad-boyfriend-bashing session. The survey is meant to be taken seriously with a pretty intense amount of thought. I'm the first victim of the survey and have been thinking about the questions for about five days now and here's what I've come up with...
1- Why do the bad ones always leave a much longer, deeper impression than the good ones?
No matter how recently a woman's been treated well by a wonderful man she still maintains the insecurities she learned (taught herself) from a bad boyfriend. This could happen for years, there are hundreds of communication case studies that show women inadvertantly hurting great relationships because of behaviors they've developed from insecurities they have. Some women hold themselves back from any kind of interpersonal relationship because their terrified that the next guy could be just as bad or worse than a previous one. And no matter how nicely we play, there's always that doubt and restraint that holds us back from really involving ourselves in what could be a great relationship. All the theories say its just a conditioning issue that can be fixed over time with "positive saturation". The Social Penetration Theory believes that when applied to negative relationships there's a lot of depth to the involvement but not a lot of breadth, which in turn limits breadth and depth in later relationships. However, the social penetration theory has never been thoroughly explored in negative relatshionships. Call it being overcautious or too logical or just scared either way I don't understand why the bad ones make such a big impression.
I now feel mentally/emotionally exhausted. It's amazing how much a little bit of thinking can bring up. Frustration ensues. But not for long... I'm in too much of a good mood to let a bad ex or six get me down.
In Other News, I had a fantastic week with a wonderful friend and feel completely reassured again. I love knowing that I'm not crazy and somebody else at least understands what I'm trying to get at. Graduation is exactly 30 days away (it's 2pm right now and the ceremony is at 2pm May 10th). I am terrified. I don't have a job yet, I don't know where I'm moving too, I just know I want to get out of here... and make money doing it. I also have about a million things on my daily to-do list, and apparently only 30 days to accomplish any of it. Add that to the heart-strings issues I'm wrestling with and this could prove to be a pretty crazy month. Finally, I started teaching Yoga at ODU for the Recreational Sports Department and I love it. Class is at 7pm Mondays & Thursdays, Noon on Fridays. See you there :)
Three Things I've Learned from the Guys I've dated.
1- You really cannot change a man.
Doesn't matter how idealistic you are, what approach you take, how nicely you beg. You can't change them. They grow and change on their own and the only hope you have is setting a good example or kicking them to the curb until they realize what was the problem and either fix it or find a girl who's willing to put up with it. Saying "it's okay, baby" and then praying for a change or different behavior doesn't help, it just trains them that what they did actually was okay. Training, by the way, isn't change. It's just a classical conditioning procedure that can and will be undone by instinct and subversive interpersonal cues. There's no communication theory that helps, there's not test that helps, and there's no amount of crying that helps. They just don't change on your terms and you have to understand, accept and be patient about it.
2 - Destructive Is as Destructive Does.
Destructive men don't hide it easily. Watch how they respond to heavy traffic, making a mistake or basic stress. If any of it involves hitting, throwing, kicking, yelling or breaking something you're in trouble. As a general rule if they throw things when they're mad about trivial things, they'll throw stuff when they're made about not so trivial things. Angry destructive men don't turn soft for a certain woman, they just tone it down and try to control it. However, the destructiveness usually manifests itself in other ways. Be it turning to verbal destructiveness, negative emotional issues, or just general irritability they're still as frustrated as always. And it always escalates, the first time you let him get away with a bruise turns into a bigger bruise next time. The first time there's a bruise, or a shoe flying by your head, or a broken windshield get out. There is no such thing as "He won't ever do it again."
3- The good ones don't care what you look like naked.
The two men I've been around in my life that I honestly felt good around a) didn't care when he got to me in bed he was perfectly happy waiting and being wonderful with me, and b) seemed to actually value my time, and my interests. It's like they make you feel better and more comfortable about yourself and your body image because they're happy hanging out with you in jeans and a big hoodie. It's incredible how amazing it is to be taken care of simply because someone cares, and not because they've got dirty lingerie for you to wear later. There is no planned surprise in the world that could be better than the shock you get from realizing that somebody listened to what you were saying in some random conversation, picked up on a detail or two, and actually learned something about you. There are things to do, places to go, people to see, and pictures to take that require not having to wash the sheets later. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure those two guys are happy I'm not 300 pounds, but there were other things about me that they thought were more important. The funny thing about it is that by actually caring it makes them even sexier every time they do it.
1- You really cannot change a man.
Doesn't matter how idealistic you are, what approach you take, how nicely you beg. You can't change them. They grow and change on their own and the only hope you have is setting a good example or kicking them to the curb until they realize what was the problem and either fix it or find a girl who's willing to put up with it. Saying "it's okay, baby" and then praying for a change or different behavior doesn't help, it just trains them that what they did actually was okay. Training, by the way, isn't change. It's just a classical conditioning procedure that can and will be undone by instinct and subversive interpersonal cues. There's no communication theory that helps, there's not test that helps, and there's no amount of crying that helps. They just don't change on your terms and you have to understand, accept and be patient about it.
2 - Destructive Is as Destructive Does.
Destructive men don't hide it easily. Watch how they respond to heavy traffic, making a mistake or basic stress. If any of it involves hitting, throwing, kicking, yelling or breaking something you're in trouble. As a general rule if they throw things when they're mad about trivial things, they'll throw stuff when they're made about not so trivial things. Angry destructive men don't turn soft for a certain woman, they just tone it down and try to control it. However, the destructiveness usually manifests itself in other ways. Be it turning to verbal destructiveness, negative emotional issues, or just general irritability they're still as frustrated as always. And it always escalates, the first time you let him get away with a bruise turns into a bigger bruise next time. The first time there's a bruise, or a shoe flying by your head, or a broken windshield get out. There is no such thing as "He won't ever do it again."
3- The good ones don't care what you look like naked.
The two men I've been around in my life that I honestly felt good around a) didn't care when he got to me in bed he was perfectly happy waiting and being wonderful with me, and b) seemed to actually value my time, and my interests. It's like they make you feel better and more comfortable about yourself and your body image because they're happy hanging out with you in jeans and a big hoodie. It's incredible how amazing it is to be taken care of simply because someone cares, and not because they've got dirty lingerie for you to wear later. There is no planned surprise in the world that could be better than the shock you get from realizing that somebody listened to what you were saying in some random conversation, picked up on a detail or two, and actually learned something about you. There are things to do, places to go, people to see, and pictures to take that require not having to wash the sheets later. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure those two guys are happy I'm not 300 pounds, but there were other things about me that they thought were more important. The funny thing about it is that by actually caring it makes them even sexier every time they do it.
The One Thing I Wish I Knew.
1- Why do the bad ones always leave a much longer, deeper impression than the good ones?
No matter how recently a woman's been treated well by a wonderful man she still maintains the insecurities she learned (taught herself) from a bad boyfriend. This could happen for years, there are hundreds of communication case studies that show women inadvertantly hurting great relationships because of behaviors they've developed from insecurities they have. Some women hold themselves back from any kind of interpersonal relationship because their terrified that the next guy could be just as bad or worse than a previous one. And no matter how nicely we play, there's always that doubt and restraint that holds us back from really involving ourselves in what could be a great relationship. All the theories say its just a conditioning issue that can be fixed over time with "positive saturation". The Social Penetration Theory believes that when applied to negative relationships there's a lot of depth to the involvement but not a lot of breadth, which in turn limits breadth and depth in later relationships. However, the social penetration theory has never been thoroughly explored in negative relatshionships. Call it being overcautious or too logical or just scared either way I don't understand why the bad ones make such a big impression.
I now feel mentally/emotionally exhausted. It's amazing how much a little bit of thinking can bring up. Frustration ensues. But not for long... I'm in too much of a good mood to let a bad ex or six get me down.
___________________________________
In Other News, I had a fantastic week with a wonderful friend and feel completely reassured again. I love knowing that I'm not crazy and somebody else at least understands what I'm trying to get at. Graduation is exactly 30 days away (it's 2pm right now and the ceremony is at 2pm May 10th). I am terrified. I don't have a job yet, I don't know where I'm moving too, I just know I want to get out of here... and make money doing it. I also have about a million things on my daily to-do list, and apparently only 30 days to accomplish any of it. Add that to the heart-strings issues I'm wrestling with and this could prove to be a pretty crazy month. Finally, I started teaching Yoga at ODU for the Recreational Sports Department and I love it. Class is at 7pm Mondays & Thursdays, Noon on Fridays. See you there :)
Monday, April 7, 2008
Dry Spell
Welcome back. I spent the entire month of April being complacent with my situation, my relationships, and my direction in life. However, a very good friend of mine has not only reminded me of my purpose but also of my passion.
Staci has reminded me that it doesn't matter how many people are affected by what you're doing as long as you love it. You are the reason I will continue to write. I stopped writing because I suffered a set back from one of my nay-sayers. My sense of purpose has been re-instilled because Staci has reminded me that I once said that people all have a passion and to follow them. For a few weeks I was certainly not practicing what I preach. Her simple tribute to my blog (on her MySpace blog) has brought me back to where I need to be.
And honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time.
I'm 35 days from graduation, applying for jobs in different places, burnt out at work, broke, and taking the GRE (grad school test thing) in about nine hours, and have a friend who I'm passionate coming to visit. So here goes. My purpose is to utilize the brain God gave me and my passion is to enjoy every bit of everything I do.
Amen.
Staci has reminded me that it doesn't matter how many people are affected by what you're doing as long as you love it. You are the reason I will continue to write. I stopped writing because I suffered a set back from one of my nay-sayers. My sense of purpose has been re-instilled because Staci has reminded me that I once said that people all have a passion and to follow them. For a few weeks I was certainly not practicing what I preach. Her simple tribute to my blog (on her MySpace blog) has brought me back to where I need to be.
And honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time.
I'm 35 days from graduation, applying for jobs in different places, burnt out at work, broke, and taking the GRE (grad school test thing) in about nine hours, and have a friend who I'm passionate coming to visit. So here goes. My purpose is to utilize the brain God gave me and my passion is to enjoy every bit of everything I do.
"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
Amen.
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